A cancer diagnosis can be scary for anyone at any age, let alone for children. The Pediatric Head & Neck Cancer Foundation is proud to grow the funding support and advance the research that leads to better diagnostics and treatments; however, one of the most rewarding facets of our organization is the opportunity to partner with and positively impact those families most affected by an HN cancer diagnosis. We are here for you to address your concerns and to listen. We are also proud to be a resource to aid in talking to your child about cancer in a way that eases and doesn’t further contribute to fears and feelings of confusion. It is also important to approach these conversations in a way that is appropriate for your child’s age and overall understanding.

Create a safe space

Enlist other trusted individuals or professionals as needed. It is also OK to speak with your child alone. You know yourself, your child, and your family best. No matter who is involved in the initial conversations, always be laser-focused on maintaining a safe and supportive refuge for your child. Encourage them to ask questions and to share their emotions and fears without holding back.

Words matter

Any words, terms, or phrases you use when speaking with your child should aid their understanding and not confuse them further. With that being said, do not be evasive. Be honest, clear, and open. Children often sense and know much more than we tend to give them credit for, so it is best to discuss treatment and side effects and be upfront about your emotions. Otherwise, they will detect what you are bottling up inside, which can worsen their worries and sense of confusion. Make sure your child knows the cancer was not caused by anything they did. It isn’t because they were a bad kid or did anything wrong. Let them know you are moving forward together.

Age matters

When talking to your child about their diagnosis, a good rule of thumb is to remember that very young children (four years or younger) are responsive to simple, clear answers. Children aged between five and 10 years can understand what terms like “cancer” and “tumor” mean. If your child is 11 or older, you can provide them with basic medical info.

Ask questions

It’s helpful to ask your child general and open-ended questions like:

  • Do you understand what I just told you about your illness?
  • What do you want to ask me?
  • How can I help you?

These questions can help your child better understand what’s going on and assure you that your child understands their diagnosis, too.

Talking to the Family

A pediatric HN cancer diagnosis ripples through the whole family. It’s important to sit down with other children you may have and to provide a safe space for them to ask questions and voice their concerns, fears, and emotions. Continue to keep your finger on the pulse of both how your child and their siblings are coping after the diagnosis and throughout the treatment process.